Fervent Debater Pillows

Joshua Feuerstein

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"It's PENCILvania!!!"

Why do they prefer a pitcher to a belly itcher? Everyone loves a belly itcher!

Big people always make a mess of things phobia: 'Let's play grownups. You'll be for busing and I'll be against it.'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

Prisoner speech

'Mr.Shumway here is our visiting ethicist.'

"Why is it that yours are 'Aha!' moments, but mine are always 'No duh?'"

'That's one hell of a lawyer.'

"I can't decide if that was bad in a good way, good in a good way, good in a bad way, or bad in a bad way."

"Curses! You have thwarted my science-based argument by quoting scripture! I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

"If thinking about sin is as bad as committing it, why not go ahead and commit it?"

Evangelical Political Influence

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

"Saying you're moral because you believe in God is like saying you're a soldier because you play 'Call of Duty'."

"All in favor of ending the heartache and the thousand natural shocks this firm is heir to, say aye."

"The world needs revolutionaries...people who challenge the system, who question authority, who aren't afraid to say, 'I won't take anymore!'"

'That was a long winded conversation...I thought he'd never stop listening.'

"Why not use thoughts and prayers to stop abortions? That's what you've been using to stop school shootings."

'So you're the boy who wants to be a chugger.'

"What are we protesting about?"

'It's always the same...Terry and Mike have a few drinks and then they start to kick off.'

"My grandmother died last night even though I prayed for her..." "...I guess I should brace myself for a sarcastic comment about faith."

"As one can see, we're jolly well better together..."

Beer is made by men, wine by god.

There is a new Reaper in town

"It's the Dr. Sadie advice hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking nothing but Christmas-related calls."

'I bet he can run twice as fast as you can.'

"Why should our kids feel entitled to the lives our parents worked so hard to provide for us?"

"When I grow up, I'll still be religious."