Feed Store Shopper Pillows

The cows' grocery list at the feed store was getting longer and longer.

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Attack of the 'health' foods

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

Friendly bacteria

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

It all began with free-range chicken. Then it was organic vegetables. Next the farmers decided they should all take a year off to go find themselves.

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Complex Carbs

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

'What if your saliva's not organic?'

"All I've got left is smoked."

Shepherd buying a shepherd's pie.

Birthday Party Supplies: Plates, Cups, Decorations, Games, Aspirin, Ibuprofen.

"It's just that I would be more thankful if we had roast beef."

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

"Someone's gone to look for a price - they won't be long!"

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"I'm not sure our family's ready for kombucha, hon."

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

Generic Products

"I need one of them and one of them..."

'No, I'm NOT break dancing.'

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

"Louie 'Three Fingers,' Tony 'The Chin,' Joey Alfonso... Dang it, Vinny, you brought me the hit list instead of the grocery list!"