Fatherhood Satirist Mugs

#1 DUD

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

The Mothership

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

"We can determine your child's gender, IQ and student debt load."

"Bottled or breast?"

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

'Fathers Day.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Free Baby. Lily decides turnabout is fair play.

Dad’s Homework Assignment

'It seems like only yesterday, you were just a slimy little maggot.'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"Ask not for whom the baby cries; it cries for thee. Specifically, thee’s milk."

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."