Fashion Statement Seeker Pillows

"I'd like a tattoo that says I'm my own man. But put it sompelace my wife won't see it."

Born to be Mild.

Tattoo Parlour: 'I brought the pig because I have no space left.'

"...I'm just hoping she doesn't turn out to be short, fat and ugly."

'It says white man got a tattoo, in chinese.'

Dog Tattoo

Author who wants his novel pierced.

Man with love and hate tattooed on his knuckles opens his shirt to reveal the word suffer tattooed on his chest

Sid was regretting having a tattoo...all his mates now call him Popeye!

'I made a good living applying tattoos and a fortune removing them.'

Edward stayed home, biding his time & waiting for the pipe smoking revival.

Figure 1. Termite queen maternity wear

"You did it, Harold - you got rid of that moustache!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

Pampered and poodled.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"I don't like your application."

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

Mister Pretty Shoes

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"Do you do much walking?"

"Of course, lots of women are just going bare-headed."

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."