Fashion Statement Seeker Pillows

"I'd like a tattoo that says I'm my own man. But put it sompelace my wife won't see it."

Born to be Mild.

Tattoo Parlour: 'I brought the pig because I have no space left.'

"...I'm just hoping she doesn't turn out to be short, fat and ugly."

'It says white man got a tattoo, in chinese.'

Dog Tattoo

Author who wants his novel pierced.

Man with love and hate tattooed on his knuckles opens his shirt to reveal the word suffer tattooed on his chest

Sid was regretting having a tattoo...all his mates now call him Popeye!

'I made a good living applying tattoos and a fortune removing them.'

Edward stayed home, biding his time & waiting for the pipe smoking revival.

Figure 1. Termite queen maternity wear

"You did it, Harold - you got rid of that moustache!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Pampered and poodled.

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"I don't like your application."

Mister Pretty Shoes

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"Do you do much walking?"