Fashion Pragmatist T-Shirts

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I'm having second thoughts about those damn school uniforms."

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

The Bland Leading the Bland

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'It makes a cutting edge fashion statement, plus it has room for a gas mask and compact bio hazard suit.'

"Oh get over it. It's crocodile. We're alligators."

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

'Malcolm is unswayed by post-foundationalist trendiness.'

"It isn't management's policy to allow the workers' to buy the leisure wear they manufacture at a discounted price - on the grounds that they don't have any leisure in which to wear it."

"Is that what you're wearing?"

"Does it say I'm a Wittgenstein scholar?"

"Since I'm not poor like you, I can afford to have scruples. . . I would never buy cheap clothes made with child labour."

Style

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

Animal Hats

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

"Derek's sneakers were made in Malaysia. Can anyone show us where Malaysia is?"

"Bob's more realistic."

"Does this fig leaf make me look fat?" "And so it begins..."

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

'Every Age has its vision of beauty.'

"Which is better: made in USA by illegal immigrants or made overseas by cheap labor?"

"Make the world a better place. If not that, then make lots of money so we can stay above it all."

"Do you sell any clothes that aren't made by Third World sweatshop labour?"

Commodity Chains - Notes on the Global Garment Industry.

"Your present state is caused by a hypersensitivity to existentialist thought. I'm recommending mega-doses of pragmatism as a therapeutic counteractive."

"Why don't I tell you a little bit about myself while you check to see if anything I'm wearing was made in a sweatshop."

Deadly fashion

'Santa, snow is falling!'

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

"Huh - must be 'cancel couture'!"