Fashion Conscious T-Shirts

New for parents of teenage girls: plastic foam midriff cover-up spray.

"You're all confused again Edith. This is a SWEATER shop!"

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

Scot to a Greek: 'Love your outfit.'

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"I’ll tell ya who’s got a ‘dark side’: my cat, that’s who. You should see what she did to my Manolo Blahnik pumps!"

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

Christmas sweater alternatives

'Which fashion magazine do you recommend?'

"Overkill, dude."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

Son, you'll never be quick on the draw unless you pull your dang pants up.

Ladies Fashions - "Money isn't tight - you are!"

Beware of Dawg.

'I never said it was the comfy wear...I said it was the comfy look!'

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

"I'm never ready for sweater weather."

'...but since no fossils of dinosaur clothing have yet been found, what you see here is mostly speculation.'

"Late Jurassic is so Retro..."

Chippunks

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing.

Social Struggles

'You've had the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

"It's off the rack. The guy on the rack doesn't need it anymore."

"How much more for pinstripes?"

...she found out that the basque he'd bought wasn't for her.

"Hold on a minute, will you? I just want to see what color Charlie Rose's tie is tonight."

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

"If my mother and father had wanted to see Yves Saint Laurent's initials on my possessions, one supposes they would have named me Yves Saint Laurent."

A Woman's Conquests.