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"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

Raptures

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

Yoyo sheep

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

"This isn't the big city anymore, Jim. I'm the facilitator now."

Apparently all our farts damage the ozone layer....

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

"Is his nose locally grown?"

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"I know you're a cow, but you're still hogging the covers!"

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

'This'll save a couple of journeys!'

"It's a scientific breakthrough! This seed will produce less corn...thus driving up the price!"

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

Niche Extracurriculars

'That's cow. What do cows say, Jimmy? Cows say moo. Look Jimmy, a chicken.'

Grocery Shopping

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

Let's all go to a farmer's market.

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

"One of your delicious ducks got into my yard yesterday."

Free Range Eggs - ""I've decided to sell up. I'm having trouble making hens meet."

'I got the job, Mom. You always said I'd make a living with my hands.'

U.S. Farm Production: Cup Runneth Over.

You can always tell animals trained by 4H kids.

'Is it true you're covered in genuine pigskin?'

'To be honest, Bo Peep only lost us for about fifteen minutes, but never let the truth get in the way of a good story...'