Farm Ponderer T-Shirts

"Whoa, listen, Wilbur, I've got existential problems of my own."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'At least I don't have his life.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'He's the best bull I've ever had.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

'Hello, are you an endangered species or can I eat you?'

"As slim as your chances are for salvation, it's nice to see you keep trying."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Air Pollution Threat

"You've got termites."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"Who's next?"

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

"The summer people are coming! The summer people are coming!"

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'You're never going to follow me in my trade, Son - you may as well go to university.'

Green Pieces Four Leaf Clover

Sitting down

Fruits and vegetables

"That's way out of my price range..."

I lactate, therefore I am.

"Your grass looks great."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?"