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'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Late BroomStick

"They're comfortable."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"She wishes to range free!"

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty Six

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'I love it when you spoon me.' 'I love it when you fork me.'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Giant Monster in Bath

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

How Amazon was invented

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'One more curse out of you, young man, and it's right down to the principal's office.'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'