Fantasy Home Seller Pillows

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house.. but we can do it for 40 LESS CARBS!'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

'Now that you have a job, Tom, Dad and I are turning your room into a condo!'

Implausible Retirement Housing Options

Turtle Home

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

"See, that's your problem right there - the roof is mostly sugar."

"Your dream of a house with a white picket fence is still feasible, at least for the picket fence."

"Occupant, apartment 5C: Congratulations—you may already have won the all-electric Colonial split-level house of your dreams...."

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

"This room is always bathed in the most beautiful sunlight. Except at night of course."

"Want to put the house on the market so we clean it?"

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

'And, it's made from scratch not from a mix.'

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

'I sold my house and got what I paid for it. But you bought it in 1962.'

"I think they're trying to tell us we've stayed to long."

'He's building a yacht in his basement.'

The housing market begins to deflate.

Burying cash. 'You misunderstand when I said put your money in land.'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

TRUMP

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

Mr. & Mrs. Putty get dream home.

'I wish I'd listened to Sarah Beeny now.'

'Now before you get all upset, I got ten percent above market value.'