Fangtastic Philosophers Pillows

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

Pigeon Little

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Reverse psychology

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

'Oi! Man is not a political animal in here!'

The first microscope capable of seeing the number of angels dancing on the head of a pin.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

"Is there a God?"

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

'Tsk...woolly thinking again.'

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

'We think, therefore we are a tank.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"What should I say this is about?"

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"It Works For Us."