Fangtastic Philosophers Pillows

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

Pigeon Little

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Reverse psychology

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

'Oi! Man is not a political animal in here!'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

The first microscope capable of seeing the number of angels dancing on the head of a pin.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

"Is there a God?"

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

'Tsk...woolly thinking again.'

'We think, therefore we are a tank.'

"What should I say this is about?"

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"It Works For Us."