Fangtastically Funny Pillows

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

'Distracting the fish.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

Dog Beginning For A Loan

'You'll grow into it!'

'Okay you can get dressed. That will help me determine the billing.'

'Fine thanks, and how are things with you?'

'Hello... Hare Club for Men...'

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

"The wife thinks he's at summer camp."

"It might sound silly, but I don't think this job is good for my diet."

Our body parts

"Madeleine is always losing her contact lenses"

Coudl I go to jail for something I didn't do? I didn't pay my income tax!

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

Twitter followers: Wile Coyote

'I see you've met Butch.'

'Well, so much for Hennessey. ... But from now on, don't make anyone dribble too close to the piranha tank.'

High energy drinks

"It gets to the point where fans don't respond the way they used to. You need an edge, something more..." Cougar Charlie goes public about his long-standing battle with drugs.

'We've decided to stay together for the sake of Ken's pension.'

"What do you mean 'It's only money'?"

"You get a great view of the ball park from here."

'First bear in space and still no respect.'

"That's not fair!"

Dog With Sticks in In Tray

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'

'There's no fly in my soup.'

'Ha! How stupid do they think we are? Like we're really gonna bite a hook to get a measly worm so that we can be reeled up. Pretty pathetic, isn't it, Bill.....Bill?'

'Does my overdraft look big in this?'

"We don't stand behind our service, but we do offer a free All-You-Can-Eat salad bar while you wait."

"The oldest sibling always has to be the center of attention."