Fancy Foodie At Home Gifts

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Is the garbage fresh?"

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

'We let our products speak for themselves. This is ‘I Can't Believe It's So Tasty And Price-Friendly In Today's Demanding Market.' '

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

'It needs more barrel again, and believe me, I know - I used to be one.'

Drive-Thru Fondue

'Don't you have American processed cheese food in a can?'

Champagne speaking to lobster about going to the Derby

"Will the gentleman want the saumon poché with or without his initials?"

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

Acme Home Kebab Machine - "Oh Noreen! However did you guess?"

"Oh, for God's sake, Harold, please close your mouth when you chew your food! This is a fancy restaurant."

"Sure, dead is important. But it has to taste good."

'A hot dog won't work when there's steak on the neighbors' grill.'

"I'll have the business prodigy's lunch."

"They offer a great three-course meal -- one appetizer and two desserts."

Young Professional Recipe Test

"What's your surf and turf today?"

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

'Lucky you, we have eleven guests and only ten glasses.'

'I am sorry, sir, but zee facilities are for zee paying customers only.'

"I don't think there's time for a quadrille."

"I'm afraid we're closed. The lobsters escaped and killed the chef."

Peacock with feathers reading 'Posh picnic'

'Congratulations, Martha. This is a meal fit for a king.'

Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar, Veal Stock