Fan Of Unconventional Methods T-Shirts

"The microwave isn't working and I needed to heat my lunch."

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Family Butcher.

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"'I'm checking my answers."

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

Ice fisherman using plunger to catch fish

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

False starts.

Having heard good things about it, Carlos decides to try the Phlegmish School of painting.

"And now, moving along to our right, we have Hilda Schumacher, of Zelton Falls, Pennsylvania. Ms. Schumacher has been painting clowns on velvet for over fifteen years, and we find her work a fine example of this genre."

"That's why I come here for the weekends - 127 acres."

"It's amazing the things you see if you wake up an hour earlier than usual!"

The Latter Day Wisdom of Solomon

"On the plus side, you've cured my back pain."

How Cartoon Characters Shave. (Frank applies White Out to his whiskers.)

The Artists Fall-Back Career 'It's an easy gig to get once you stop waxing.'

They often made fun of Shinjo and his Samurai spoons, but not for long.

Fish who dropped out of the school

'Harry, you have impeccable qualifications. I'm pleased to offer you the position of Master Wine Maker.'

"Can't say I agree with his methods, but I'll be damned if there's a horse that man can't break."

'Oh, stop complaining. The diet is working, isn't it?'

Drain cleaning

'The artist was thinking outside of the box again.'

Pavlov's snake: 'It was months before I discovered snakes are deaf.'

Cheap tattoo removal.

We don't let computers mess up your records. We do it by hand.

Island

'Fights have been down 68 percent since we've had them do an hour of river dancing every morning.'

'Stick out your tongue. I don't believe in any of the DNA nonsense.'

'The biggest surprise, after we split up, is he got my friends and I got his.'