Fan Of Mystical Humor Pillows

"Madam Zelda passed to the other side last week. Would you want me to get a message to her?"

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Arresting Adam and Eve

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

"In heaven there are no trees."

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

You will go on a trip.

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'

'No, I heard you snoring -- you just dreamed that you attained Nirvana.'

Man asking lady if she cares for him

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

Meditating cat. 'Hi! You have reached the 4th state of consciousness. We're not in right now...

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

'Don't be daft,woman-of course I'm not gonna FRY her!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

"It's Him. he wants us to lay off until the Fruit Board has published this year's crop results."

Medusa turning everyone in the 'Hard Rock caf�' into rock

Madam Mae: Fortune teller - Fortune 500.

Priest

'Every time one door closes, another one opens. Can you fix it?'

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.

Wrong Address

"And, if you don't have an attorney, we have millions of them."

'Madam Zelda sees all'

"Would it kill you to put on something nice when I summon you from the dead?"

"Don't be so chintzy with the life line!"

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

"No Officer, but they will all make lovely trouser belts, shoes, or handbags."

"You're going on a very short journey."