Family Whisperer Pillows

Discussion...1/4 mile. Argument...1/2 mile. Fight...1 mile.

'Henry quickly rose to the top of the Adult to Child Translation world.'

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

"In all the years I’ve endured your presence, I have never once heard you mention your mother." "It’s almost as if you think you sprang fully formed from the bowels of the earth." "When’s the last time you called your mother?" "December 2, 1992." "The day before text messaging was introduced." "Ingrate!!!"

'Don't Worry - They Never Think It'

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Cry babies.

"Foster failure"

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'The child is very illogical'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

Hush puppy.

Girl wags her pony tail as dog wags his tail.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Mother Nature

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."