Baby Whisperers Pillows

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

'Let me go over your symptoms again; you have a 'gugu' and you're feeling a little 'bugaga'.'

'Don't worry - one day we'll get our own back when we put them in a nursing home.'

Breastfeeding

Parents sleeping with a new baby.

'I'm just saying if our nanny can afford a nanny then we're paying too much.'

'Babies are tough customers. Sure, they smile a lot, but usually it's just gas.'

"Still won't talk. We've tried everything aside from sodium pentothal."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'The child is very illogical'

"You're tired? HELLO, what about me? I haven't slept since I was born!"

'Settle down now and Daddy will take you for a nice ride.'

Oh my God...My kid could be like that!!

"Let's make a promise. When he's a teenager, we'll wake him up in the middle of the night."

'We mustn't frighten the new baby...'

'You have done nothing to complain ever since you got here!'

'But that's the baby you took in.'

To help liven up one of the more mundane aspects of baby care, the Kellermans devised projectile-burping target shooting.

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

"That is one absorbent nappy."

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

New parents shocked at having slept through the night.

I am to blame.

Cot.

'You mean they don't come with an instruction manual?'

'Who gets up when the babies cries at night? The whole street!'

Contraction Tipping Competition

"Can someone please explain to me what that nine months in solitary was all about?"

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"They think I don't have a clue."

" ... and look at that grip, Daddy!"

"Oh Oh... I Think I'm Stuck!"

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

Two Nurses and a Baby.