Family Tree Fanatic Pillows

2072: Sally scrolls through her grandma's tagged Facebook photos from high school and realizes she and the subdued drunk woman in the corner are more alike than she ever wanted to believe.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"She was right....I AM a pig!"

'So basically - your descendants are slime and you crawled from under a rock.'

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

'Boy, my dad's geneology is strictly 'x' rated.'

'I swear, everyday you get a little bit more like your father's, father's, father's, father's, father's, father.'

Boris Johnson related to Mummy

"I took one of those DNA test kits and turns out we are our ancestors."

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

Several generations live together in Cuba

Family DNA

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

"It was a mom-and-pop, but we inherited it."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

"You get your hair from your father's side..."

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

"One day you can participate in Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day as a parent."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

"The Flying Wallendas at home"

"Yeah, my great-grandpa was shell-shocked in World War One too..."

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

"That is why you never forget your roots."

"That's two days after you were born."

"Can DNA testing really prove that George Washington was the 'Father if our Country'?"

'My husband's ancestors did come over on the Mayflower. The scraped them off the bottom of the boat.'

"Dad, are you absolutely sure I'm not adopted?"

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."