Family Tree Aficionado Gifts

"This is your great, great uncle, twice removed, on your mother's side before your great, great aunt divorced him to marry your second great, great uncle."

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

Several generations live together in Cuba

Family DNA

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

"It was a mom-and-pop, but we inherited it."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

"You get your hair from your father's side..."

"Ma didn't want to leave out anyone."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'One of my forebears.'

The best time capsules are our children.

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

"Yeah, my great-grandpa was shell-shocked in World War One too..."

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

"Can DNA testing really prove that George Washington was the 'Father if our Country'?"

Ancenstry.com Your results: Oak: 80% Pine: 12% Maple: 3% Unknown: 5%

"That is why you never forget your roots."

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

"That's two days after you were born."

"Dad, are you absolutely sure I'm not adopted?"

'My husband's ancestors did come over on the Mayflower. The scraped them off the bottom of the boat.'

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

I always felt I should have been born into royalty, Doctor Kapuchnik. If it's any consolation, Al, you're a royal pain.

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."