Family Trait Humorist Gifts

'Why shouldn't I be obsessive-compulsive? My mother is obsessive, my father is compulsive.'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

Baby, baby maker

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

'Hey Dad, Mom's got a new hobby...still life painting...er, Dad?'

'Is that IT? All this way for just the ONE?'