Family Tradition Analyst T-Shirts

'This represents the tradition of our family business. I got it from my dad, he got it from his dad. One day, son, it will be yours.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Take the off this minute, young lady."

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

Common Core Family Therapy

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

"One day you can participate in Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day as a parent."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

"My dad was really good at showing me how to throw poo. He was just never any good at explaining exactly why I should be throwing it."

"The Flying Wallendas at home"

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

Tyler missed the old days before his parents used behavioral tracking software.

"Just because your mother devoured your siblings and not you didn't mean she valued you any less. She was just full."

"He's feeling neglected. Should we text him?"

"I don't want to be a king like Dad - I want to be a pirate like Grandpa!"

'Are you on any medication other than your Grandma's chicken soup?'

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

"It was our grandmother's wedding dress—we had her exhumed so you could wear it."

'They sort of grow on you.'

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

"I can tell you that's not the version of Uncle Sam that I grew up with."

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

"When I moved here after your mother passed... The first thing I did was make this altar...so I could pray for her. But your father said, 'Just no photos.'"