Family Time Magician Pillows

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"They grow up so fast."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Haircuts

"She's been so creative lately."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'She's just great with the children.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Office pics on dinner table.

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Swinging

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"