Family Time Magician Pillows

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"They grow up so fast."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Haircuts

"She's been so creative lately."

No caption (A young bald eagle plays a claw game full of fish as his parent stands behind him).

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'She's just great with the children.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

Swinging

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

Office pics on dinner table.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

Home Sweet Home

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'