Family Time Coordinator Pillows

"The idea is to stick art on the refrigerator, not carve it in."

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"They grow up so fast."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

Haircuts

"She's been so creative lately."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'She's just great with the children.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

Swinging

Office pics on dinner table.

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'