Family Pressure Specialist Pillows

'Dinner's been over for three hours, but Mom keeps jumping back in the frying pan.'

Common Core Family Therapy

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Pediatrics: Anatomy

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"Improve your geography results, Perkins or you're history!"

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"I'm a retired doctor."

"You want real pressure?!! Try where I work."

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

"Very funny."

"Oooo. That's cold."

"Don't try to blame this mess on your father!"

Daughter/psychiatrist

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'I delivered him during the second act of Les Miserables. I delivered her during the first act of Phantom of the Opera. This one I deliveried. . .'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

"My dad doesn't nag me enough about going to college."

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

'That's a birthmark, Billy. The doctor gave it to me when you were born.'

"By the time we go in, I'll be too old for a pediatrician."

"Sorry about the long wait, but good news. Other than long waits in waiting rooms, I can't find any other causes for your irritability."

The number of couples separating keeps growing.

For sake of patient Doctor Jones tries to temper his personal dislike of mimes.

'In my day you had to reach puberty before you could act surly.'