Family Pressure Specialist Pillows

'Dinner's been over for three hours, but Mom keeps jumping back in the frying pan.'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Pediatrics: Anatomy

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

"Improve your geography results, Perkins or you're history!"

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"

"You want real pressure?!! Try where I work."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"I'm a retired doctor."

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

"Very funny."

"Oooo. That's cold."

"Don't try to blame this mess on your father!"

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

Daughter/psychiatrist

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

"My dad doesn't nag me enough about going to college."

'In my day you had to reach puberty before you could act surly.'

"Well, you can tell that David Silva that I said you definitely don't have cooties, Carolyn."

"Sorry about the long wait, but good news. Other than long waits in waiting rooms, I can't find any other causes for your irritability."

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

The number of couples separating keeps growing.

"By the time we go in, I'll be too old for a pediatrician."

For sake of patient Doctor Jones tries to temper his personal dislike of mimes.