Family Practitioner T-Shirts

"Sure, I make house calls. Give me your number and I'll call your house."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Grounded

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'Of course if you wanna a really BIG family I guess we could always adopt.'

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'Have you tried a licensed health practicioner?'

Pediatrics: Anatomy

'A baby brother? — I'm not ready to make a commitment like that!'

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"I'm a retired doctor."

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

Acupuncture clinic

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."