Family Milestones T-Shirts

Graph in front of house reads: The Pecks State of Well-Being.

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

Circus baby

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

Vampire baby in 'Grav-co' stroller.

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

Early childhood development

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

'How can I get my baby to sleep?'

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Parent Involvement Tip #1

A very fine vintage

Eagle parenting.

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Dominant hand reveal party

Sparkler

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."