Family Member T-Shirts

"Surprise!"

Phil uses all seven tiles in Scrabble and ascends to heaven

"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."

Hanukkah tree

"Let me guess -- first child?"

Surrounded by 'wellwishers' Alan makes a steady recovery.

Pet and Animal Companion

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"

"One day Son all this will be yours."

'He's resting comfortably.'

'Something that says I'm sorry without admitting liability.'

'We are communicating better but we are still not out of woods.'

"Hollow - just as I've always suspected."

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

'Grandpa's at that wonderful age when he can't remember if he already gave me my allowance.'

Kriten, Kriten and Kriten Enterprises.

'I know the kids don't like you and pick on you, but you have to go to school...you're the teacher.'

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

December to January.

"He was doing well at first, but then he started drifting in and out of health coverage."

Jumping Man

"I wish I'd started therapy at your age."

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"Paying for a DNA test will be worth it if I find better relatives."

Things to whine about: 'I'm making a list of my pet peeves.'

'Yeah, but look at the money we saved by your acting as your own attorney.'

"No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting."

Eat drink and be merry!

Brad doesn't know what to do with himself this time of year. He's lost between snowblowing and lawnmowing.

"Every family has one weird relative - if you don't know who it is, then it's probably you."

'Son, you are quite simply the dumbest person I have ever met. I mean that constructively.'

"That get-well card we sent certainly was a waste of money."

Paranoid Sheep