Family Life Afficionado Pillows

Jeremy got more than he bargained for with his new memory foam mattress.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

Office pics on dinner table.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

celebrating a birth.

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

"Use your inside scream."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"I'm so good at this!"

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"Do you have to do that even when it's not Valentine's Day?"

George Washington's sister was always getting him into trouble.

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

World's Best Dad. I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Mom.

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

"I read the audio book."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"Careful George. You don't want to hurt our baby boy."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"Mom...There's nothing to do..."

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

"If you don't stop doing that, your faces will stick that way!"

'Go forth and multiply!'

Free love