Family Introducer Gifts

'You shouldn't be nervous about meeting my parents - you're more their age than mine!'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

A family with mustaches talking on their cellphones.

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

Oh, no

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

"Moses, it's your mother. It's the only way I could get hold of you. You never call."

Coronovirus dreams

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

"Hello mother. . ."

"It sure is great to have you back for a while at the mother ship."

"You're about to discover why I left home at 15."

"No need to Whatsapp me dear, I'm right here."

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

"In all the years I’ve endured your presence, I have never once heard you mention your mother." "It’s almost as if you think you sprang fully formed from the bowels of the earth." "When’s the last time you called your mother?" "December 2, 1992." "The day before text messaging was introduced." "Ingrate!!!"

'Please try to understand...I appreciate all that you have done for me and I love you both very much...But, I must try to find my biological parents.'

'Don't Worry - They Never Think It'

'I would like to have a little talk with both of you!'

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

'Now you call? Now that fierce competition has reduced long-distance to little more than a cheap, unprofitable commodity. Now you call your mother?'

"Thanks to separations, divorces and remarriages, I've got 20 grandparents."

Discussion...1/4 mile. Argument...1/2 mile. Fight...1 mile.

"Mom, a boy in my class today, called you a super chick! What's that?"

How's the college tour? Dunno. Tap Tap. You'd have 2 ask the parents. Tap tap.

"Mom, Dad, this is Eddie, my heart's shaman!"

"This economic upheaval has made me go back to my roots. I'm moving back in with my parents."

"Good evening. I am Martha's son by a previous marriage."

'I speak six languages fluently but I don't understand my teenager daughter.'

"I'll just text the children upstairs that dinner is ready."

'What I want for Thanksgiving is not to be devoured by Big Shirley.'

"And those, I believe, are my stepchildren."