Family Gallery Curator Gifts

Children's artwork exhibition.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Projectile painting.'

It's a call from Tate modern.

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Art Gallery.

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

German School