Family Financial Planning Gifts

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Watering Money

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Graph Your Relatives!

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'