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'Just because Mother declared war on you doesn't mean you had to declare war on HER!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'Mum, she pulled my mane!'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

LEV Trump

"I suspected barstool founder David Portnoy was racist."

"You can't live in our basement. Your brother beat you to it."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'...My tree! - No my tree!!'

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

Rush Limbaugh 'apologizes' over Slutgate.

'Said once, and never again!'

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

Bad Heir Day

'Your second cousin won a Nobel Prize in physics, and you don't know how gravity works?'

"We go to Stockholm, we accept our, prize, and then I never want to see your ugly mug again!"

"Quick, we need a distraction. Release the pee pee tapes!"

"Tom..Tom, you promised not to flame my parents..."

Thanksgiving Smackdown

'Have you got the price of an icecream on you'

'Life isn't fair - My brother has a neat sister, but all I've got is this stupid brother!"