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'Just because Mother declared war on you doesn't mean you had to declare war on HER!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"Baldo, why do you make fun of my playing?"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'Mum, she pulled my mane!'

"I still hate you."

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

LEV Trump

"I suspected barstool founder David Portnoy was racist."

"You can't live in our basement. Your brother beat you to it."

'I'd like to return this, it turns out my wife bought one last week.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'...My tree! - No my tree!!'

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

No date for the prom, green girl? If you ever grow up, nerd boy

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'Well, I'm sorry. But your mother criticized my chicken casserole one too many times.'

'Said once, and never again!'

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

Rush Limbaugh 'apologizes' over Slutgate.

Bad Heir Day

'Your second cousin won a Nobel Prize in physics, and you don't know how gravity works?'

Thanksgiving Smackdown

"Quick, we need a distraction. Release the pee pee tapes!"

"We go to Stockholm, we accept our, prize, and then I never want to see your ugly mug again!"

'Have you got the price of an icecream on you'

"Tom..Tom, you promised not to flame my parents..."

'Life isn't fair - My brother has a neat sister, but all I've got is this stupid brother!"