Family Dynamic Ponderer Pillows

"We would have divorced years ago if it wasn't for the children - neither of us would take them!"

"He's a strange kid. His parents are married to each other."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Polygamists' Picnic

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

He wanted a different one.

"Having nannies really changes you."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'