Family Counsellor Pillows

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Frankly,he's still tied to his fathers apron strings."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

Couples' therapy

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'I hate all holidays!'

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

' I let you think it's your ides...then I agree with you.'

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"I don't know, maybe I'm just being mallowdramatic."

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Have you tried taking long walks?"

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

Preventive medicine.

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

"OK, now what?"