Family Circus Expert T-Shirts

". . . and if your kids have been driving you crazy today, just remember one day soon they won't even want to know you. . . and exhale. . . ahhhh."

"Stinkin' fake news!"

"I suppose you think that's funny."

The relay race

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

Parental Training Course

Dolphin tricks.

"That's impressive, but I asked you to roll over."

'I've never met such a heartless, gutless and brainless board of directors!'

'It's just until he stops biting himself over there.'

"Hah, good luck to them when they try to flush THAT!"

"Dad, sit still! I'm trying to watch the flea-circus acts!"

Police Log

"Working" from home

'That's the worst case of fleas I've ever seen...!'

'I've had it for the last seventeen years.'

"Young Master downright lied to Mistress! I can smell he didn't use soap or shampoo when he took his bath!"

"Yes, mom, we're all getting plenty of exercise."

'Oh my god, I forgot I had children.'

"Kids, could you do Mommy a huge favor and go really far away from me? Thanks."

'It wasn't the baby's crying that kept me awake last night...it was my husband's.'

Marvo and his fleas at the vets, Vet with gun "I'm sorry but he's broken a leg".

"We've invested heavily - If not always wisely - In talent."

"It's just a phase."

'There's no hope - I'm going to have to put him down.'

"Oh no, you do not walk away when I'm talking to you!"

"I don't mind the wheezing. It drowns out the sound of my kids constantly arguing."

'Tripped over the cat.'

'Wow! This is the third restraining order this week! That's the last time I plan a family reunion.'

'He's ever so good with children.'

'And now for the light side of the news. My dog has fleas.'

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

The perils of working from home

"And to think 'roll over' used to be a big deal."

"Says here the city is seeing record numbers of job-hoppers."