Family Chaos Wrangler T-Shirts

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

"When they say to use protection... this is what you're protecting against."

"Can you imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't faked headaches?"

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

"Today is the day I start the new me!"

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

Parental Training Course

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Women shopping with children in the trolley.

'Found her. Keeping her.'