Family Chaos Consultant T-Shirts

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Family with pets.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

'It wasn't premeditated.

The sofa freshly made up...

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Let's get this party started!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'Found her. Keeping her.'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."