Fake Foliage Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'Uh, Liz. That plant isn't getting any faker.'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

"I'll race you to the top."

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

Entering Vermont, No Artificial Coloring

Brilliant reds & oranges. Muted golds & ochres.

In the houseplant cemetery.

'Dan sculpted the shrubs to look like hunters to keep the deer from eating them.'

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

'Those artificial flowers look so lifelike it's unusual.'

Hedgecutter cutting a hedge 'key' into a hedge 'door'

"Remember, fall is just one of many reasons you shouldn't leave your mother to go live in California."

'I've decided to go straight!'

'Did you know that our lawn is astroturf? I think our parents must be total psychos.'

"I've replanted the hanging basket with flowers that'll survive the coming winter. . .They're plastic."

"Don't bother. Everything is artificial."

Cabbage, Lettuce, Beard.

'If you pretend to water these fake flowers they'll last longer.'

Cull people who like plastic plants.

Acupuncture

"I never thought you'd make it back in time, so I bought an artificial."

A confused bee flies around artificial flowers.