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'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

Christian and Born again Christian...

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

Toys in the DVD Player.

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"He looks just like your husband."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Mother CareBaby Gap

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'She looks just like you when you were that age.'

I think he knows something that we don't know about the uranium molecule.

"And this is our son Danny's room. Danny is being raised by wolves."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

She doesn't like my song? All the kids LOVED it at Day Care!

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

"Still won't talk. We've tried everything aside from sodium pentothal."

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Oh dear. My son's an evolutionary throw forward.'

'Who gets up when the babies cries at night? The whole street!'