Faithful Consumer T-Shirts

"And now a reading from the catalogs of Saint Paul."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

Monk Prompt

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

Spiritual Lives Matter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'Pop-up Bible.'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."