Faith Restorer Pillows

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

A surprise in heaven

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

A child interrupting family prayers

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

'To be honest, it's a bit hard to swallow.'

God is for life not just for Christmas.

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

Chill Out Worshippers!

Saying Grace.

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

Holy Bible

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Please, Lord, enough already."

Church Restoration Fund.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.