Fairytale Twist Lover Pillows

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

The tooth fairy.

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"My God! There goes middle management."

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

Accountant Bedtime Stories

Ask A Silly Question.

Sleeping Beauty.

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

Tooth fairy pays with card