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Beauty and the Baste

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Intelligent people laugh too!

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Sweep the board.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

K9 Literati

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Chicken soup for the sole.

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Tequila Mockingbird

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."