Fairy Tale Friend Gifts

Through the Looking Glass - Alice Clears the Dinner Table

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

The tooth fairy.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

Rape of the Lock- The Dream

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

Odette from Swan Lake

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

Sleeping Beauty.

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"My God! There goes middle management."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

Ask A Silly Question.

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

Tooth fairy pays with card

'Of course I want a fairy tale wedding. What did you expect?'

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'