Extroverted Conversationalist Pillows

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

What price beauty?

Life on Earth - The original chat room.

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

A lesson in wit

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'