Extreme Snacker T-Shirts

"That summit Johnson! Our goal is the summit!"

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"I asked my mother to pack my parachute and she packed my lunch instead."

Breakfast surreal.

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Wow, you've got to try this combination."

"They're boulettes de viande. They're meatballs. They're balls of meat."

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

Spiro & Pusho cook a chicken on a volcano

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

"Revelatory, Michael - such airy meatballs."

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

The four major food groups.

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

"Mustard? Ketchup? Mayo? Talk to me, old man."

"Aw. I thought you said Pizza tonight."

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

Don't lie to me

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

And so begins another evening of serious hobnobbing

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

Book Burp

The Grenade Nut Cracker.

"Gracie, you can't leave Animal Crackers all over the place!"