Explaining Death Prints

I need to figure it to break it to my parents that I understand about death. I''m going to sit them down and tell them that I understand our cat Magus died and that's why her body stopped working. I'm going to explain that death is a natural part of life and that they don't have to treat me like a baby. I get it. If they're still feeling upset, I'll offer to take them out so they can buy themselves a treat. If all else fails, ice cream.

"Why bother?"

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"They're very time-sensitive."

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

Apocalliptical

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Heaven

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"What if you go under before I need to?"

Grim Reaper Checkout

'You'd look good in that.'

Man flying to heaven on small angel wings

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

"Have a seat!"

"Back in 15 min."

"Give a call when you get there."

"Dad and his stupid bucket list."

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

Tombstone in a cemetery with a epitaph that reads "Why me?"

"Did you do all of this for me?"

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

A vicar looks at his in tray and out tray containing a newborn baby and a coffin

"I've always thought it was eerie. He expired the same day as his Visa card."

"Why would He take someone so toned?"

Death selfie

'I wish I had learned more trivia.'