Expense Inquisitor Pillows

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Archival Warfare

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'Sorry to trouble you , sir , but did you remember to sign my expenses ?'

Bookkeeping Club

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

"About your self employed expenses, do you do anything purely for pleasure?"

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

'How come you're questioning my petrol bill?'

Just remember, don't claim for lunch unless I was with you.

"What else can I claim on my expense account?"

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

'I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be.'

"Here's the story: when the rich have money, they invest it; when the poor have money, they by lottery tickets...so the government gets it."

Testing Division - How did my expenses claim stand up?

'Thank you for you car expense claim . . .why are you wearing bicycle clips?'

Having to pay for health care up front.

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

'If people are supposed to live within their means, why are there such things as overdrafts?'

"I don't dislike you; I dislike your religion."

'I may not look like much but f**k with me and you're dead!'

'I see the price of food is up again.' - 'Yes, 10 pence a pint.'

I tried to make ends meet but I'm a poor judge of distance. Due now. Bill. Bill. Due. Due now.

Summertime Blues

"You've come to me just in time. Your HMO is going to stop covering this."

Human Stem Cell Research

Inland Revenue 'Think Disallowable'

Tell me about your travel extras please. Airport tax,security charge,fuel levy and customer nuisance surcharge.

I'm working on my expense report. Carpe per diem!

Fees office!

'I'm not sure what's worse: Not having health care, or being so far gone I don't care.'

"Basically, what we're saying, Mr. Weber, is that it's not nice not to share."