Expense Inquisitor Pillows

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'Sorry to trouble you , sir , but did you remember to sign my expenses ?'

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

"About your self employed expenses, do you do anything purely for pleasure?"

'How come you're questioning my petrol bill?'

Just remember, don't claim for lunch unless I was with you.

"What else can I claim on my expense account?"

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

"Here's the story: when the rich have money, they invest it; when the poor have money, they by lottery tickets...so the government gets it."

'I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be.'

Testing Division - How did my expenses claim stand up?

Having to pay for health care up front.

'Thank you for you car expense claim . . .why are you wearing bicycle clips?'

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

'If people are supposed to live within their means, why are there such things as overdrafts?'

'I may not look like much but f**k with me and you're dead!'

'I see the price of food is up again.' - 'Yes, 10 pence a pint.'

"I don't dislike you; I dislike your religion."

Tell me about your travel extras please. Airport tax,security charge,fuel levy and customer nuisance surcharge.

Fees office!

Inland Revenue 'Think Disallowable'

Human Stem Cell Research

"You've come to me just in time. Your HMO is going to stop covering this."

'I'm not sure what's worse: Not having health care, or being so far gone I don't care.'

"Basically, what we're saying, Mr. Weber, is that it's not nice not to share."

Newton discovers the theory of gas prices.