Existential Jokes Appreciator Pillows

Do you have an atheist section?

What's an Imax cave?

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Laughing Zone Ahead

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

OMG.

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Split the last one?

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

"He can be a real charmer when he wants to be."

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."