Exhaustion Connoisseur Pillows

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"JB wears many hats. He just can't delegate"

'Time to buy.'

A traveler comments on the red in the sunset. A wine drinker misunderstands, thinking the traveler is referring to the red wine.

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

'I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about external combustion engines.'

S**t Threw a Goose

"I'm a huge proponent of control over speed."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Friday/Saturday/Sunday

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

I can remember before e-mails when it would take me TWICE as long to waste HALF as much of their time

'Well, as a matter of fact, I think you're a pinhead too!'

Confession Ratings.

Overworked doctors in need of sleep

Employee Benefits

"You'd better not be thinking about using that remote during my show!"

"Chucky says he can buy and sell me."

Pole Jumping Collision

"Forgive me, Father ... I forgot to take my Beano."

Donut Eating Contest

"I had this weird nightmare. I dreamed I was a muffler! I woke up exhausted."

Your big moment on Altra Gameshow

"It speaks to my desire to spend money."

"Time to call 9-Wine-Wine"

'The meeting was cancelled after an outbreak of contagious yawning.'