Exhaustion Connoisseur Pillows

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"JB wears many hats. He just can't delegate"

'Time to buy.'

A traveler comments on the red in the sunset. A wine drinker misunderstands, thinking the traveler is referring to the red wine.

'I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about external combustion engines.'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

S**t Threw a Goose

"I'm a huge proponent of control over speed."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Friday/Saturday/Sunday

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

Confession Ratings.

I can remember before e-mails when it would take me TWICE as long to waste HALF as much of their time

Overworked doctors in need of sleep

"Chucky says he can buy and sell me."

"You'd better not be thinking about using that remote during my show!"

Employee Benefits

Donut Eating Contest

"I had this weird nightmare. I dreamed I was a muffler! I woke up exhausted."

"It speaks to my desire to spend money."

Pole Jumping Collision

Your big moment on Altra Gameshow

"Forgive me, Father ... I forgot to take my Beano."

"Time to call 9-Wine-Wine"

'The meeting was cancelled after an outbreak of contagious yawning.'

I bragged about catching a fish a meter in lenght but it was the size of a sardine.